but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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