You're a womanizer and a bitch.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
