if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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