the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please come you make the beer taste better
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
