i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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