I'm jealous of your bromance
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
