I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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