i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
