Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
