I'm gonna have a badass scar
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if i died would you start the facebook group?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
