I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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