mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
