mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
