Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
