omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
