she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
sex in a hospital.. check
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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