i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
