Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize