I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
