i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
