6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize