tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
