someone get that fucking seahorse.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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