I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
