your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
