Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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