why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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