my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
