Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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