You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
