Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
