Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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