dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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