..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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