If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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