Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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