Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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