6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
