??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The air taste purple.
Randomize
