You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
