my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
