so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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