Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
