I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
