Im at strip club and am horny
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
