life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You are the jesus of drinking
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
