I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
