my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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