Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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