Your mouth is God's brothel.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
