omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
