Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
