Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How's work?
Spinning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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