i barfeds in our rink
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
