Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
