you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
