Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
