I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
