I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
