um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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