so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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