Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
