you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
