Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
