There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
