you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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