No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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