You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
