I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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