There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
