my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
